he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
