Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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