why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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