Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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