Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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