I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
