Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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