They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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