You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
