dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
