Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
