just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize