can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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