I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
