WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
