the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
