he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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