North Korea, Best Korea!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
