I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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