I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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