So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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