Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
