if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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