I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
