Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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