So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
no you cant smoke seaweed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
