just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
