you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
