i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
