Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
