After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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