Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
