Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
