watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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