Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
