Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want her autograph on my taint
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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