i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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