It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
