Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
