Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
