Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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