PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
