we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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