it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
