she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
