just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
