I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
