Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
