lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
