Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
