How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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