AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
