I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize