break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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