glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
