This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
