so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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