I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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