what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize