ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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