Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
