Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize