Life is so much better after having sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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