he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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