I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
