I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
