i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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