Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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